KAHIHI

We all have heard about great people, the famous ones, the successful ones, and so on. And we have also known that the key contributor of their success and fame has been dedication, hard work, perseverance, obsession to achieve that something. We give a great thought to these things. We spend hours on discussing how these great people achieved it, what made them follow their dream with such equanimity while still having a bubbling fervor in their bellies.
However, seldom do we think that even can achieve what we desire.
And it is neither impossible nor difficult, if practiced religiously.
What we call dedication, focused approach, determination is actually an energy that we transmit through our thoughts and actions that in turn attract the things you desire. Read Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist or Rhonda Byrnes’ Secret or simply watch SRK’s Om Shanti Om where he says, “Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho to poori kaynath usey tumse milane ki koshish main lag jaati hai.”
Rarely have I seen people approach a thing with positive intent.
I was once waiting for an auto near a school. It was exam time, perhaps. A group of young boys were discussing how the exam paper will be, “fadu nahi hona chahiye, apne ko answers yaad nahi aye toh,” utter nonsense, I thought. Their fear then transmigrated into viscous thoughts of how to cheat in the exam, making chits, showing answer papers by sitting in a particular manner. The nervousness was leaching in gradually, which evidently would have made their learning evaporate. Had all this time been utilized to discuss what they had studied or discussing that let the paper be of any level of difficulty we will crack it, the entire feeling would have been different, a positive feeling could have made them feel good and that feeling would have made handling the situation simpler.
I see husband and wife cribbing about finances, domestic issues, children etc. If that constant cribbing solves the problems, no worries, go ahead and suppurate as much as you want. However, it does not, sadly. It only makes life more miserable. It brings in more irritability and in certain cases even creates cracks in the relationships. Instead if you remain calm, always have a smile, and tackle things cheerfully, life indeed will become beautiful. It is no use wasting precious time in weeping about the things that bother you. As a substitute, utilize that time in working towards achieving things you desire, something that will bring contentment to your life be it material desires or at emotional or physical or spiritual.
Same is true with dissatisfied job, broken relationship, ill financial conditions, etc. etc.
We have always learnt from our school times that opposites attract, however, that is true in case of magnets and physics. But we are talking human dynamics here. We are not magnets. We are a powerhouse of intellect, emotions, comprehension.
We are different in a way that we can think, analyse, interpret, adjust, and communicate. Utilize all this to target and achieve things you desire. And pursue them all throughout. Only one single thought should run through you of what you want in life. Negativity, pessimism will only help in accumulating nuisance value which can be encashed only for heart attacks, blood pressure, stress, insomnia. Where following your dream with a strong focus will bring happiness, cheer, joy, respect, and success to you. You decide what you want. The choice lies with you, within you.
Right from the time of Mahabharata in which Arjun saw only the birds eye whereas all his other brothers saw trees, leaves, sky etc to the time when my father use to show me a small magic by burning a corner of a paper using a magnifying lens, the whole point is about focus. A strong focus makes you strong from within, confident, and powerful.
Focus on what you want and not on what you cannot. Be with likeminded people who share thoughts similar to yours, who desire similar things as you. At a subconscious level keep thinking about your aspirations and act on them at your conscious level. Keep your thought process going, keep envisaging yourself as if you are someone you wanted to be, you have everything that you wanted to have, the things, bring in some habitual changes.
Life is like a mirror. It will show you exactly what you put in front of it.
Happy Living!

Imagine how wonderful it will be to learn how people use their minds, their mental strategies, and act in a manner where the entire aura around everyone is filled with compassion and positive energies. It is truly an enticing experience to enrich the quality of other people’s lives. The enrichment is nothing but the change in one’s attitude and approach, necessarily in the positive direction. It leaves a magical effect on the people and also on the surroundings of those people.

Each one of us, at some point, have had felt a strong desire to bring about a change to this world, change in our surroundings, change in yourself or a person, all to make things better and have a conducive environment all around where things are un unison creating an overflow of pleasant positive things. This desire usually stems from vision, ‘our lives could be enriched and improved in some way’. Such visions provide guidance and directions for our lives and our work, furnishing the motivation and impetus for the change. Such visions when shared by number of people, form a foundation for effective team work and ultimately for progress of a civilization.

This process of change that causes human evolution, when accelerated with focused approach and objectives, give birth to revolutions. Chain of events takes place just like a rolling snowball from the top of a mountain that gathers more snow and momentum as it slides down. That small ball of stone eventually becomes mammoth like and unstoppable, engulfing anything and everything that comes in its way. These are the times when history is shaped.

Quite similarly, it is possible to bring about changes in us and revolutionise the way we behave, interact, communicate, and approach to situations, the only challenge being to take charge of the process and direct it with precision. With the changes taking place in small packets, you will one day find yourself gifted with a huge packet of solace and satisfaction. You will feel wonderful when you re-experience the most wonderful moments of life as it they are happening now, and you will become amnesiac to your problems, worries, frustrations, limitations.

The question is not whether you can be happy or successful. It is actually about how much happiness can you stand before you finally fall off? And realize this is just the beginning. There is a whole new world to be explored as saying says, “Anyone can count seeds in apple but no one can possibly count all the apples in the seed.”

Children are so much soaked in violence that it won’t be surprising to hear them talk about it or go ahead and do it.

My friend sent me a text message last week asking me to list my favourite moment, my sad moment, my happiest moment etc of the year 2010. It then dawned on me that countdown for the New Year has begun. I have been waiting for the clock to tick to twelve.

I quickly spiraled down the memory lane to ponder over the year that went by. There were moments that gave me extreme joy. However, there were times when I regret the oysters I threw away from my life when I forgot to see the pearls inside them.

The beginning was scary, life had taken a tumultuous turn and I am still on the recovery path; matters have improved a lot though. The year was a roller coaster ride.

Now, I have began to look at the previous year not only from my perspective and the effects it had had one me but also taking under purview the people who matter to me. For some of my friends their life changed drastically when stork visited them delivering to them the new meaning of life. To a few, life taught painful lessons at the cost of their beloved ones.

Changes were influencing not only personal lives but professional lives as well. The tidal wave of recession made situations worrisome, every step needed a cautious attention, and career roadmap needed a meticulous approach.

Now again the clock is ticking fast. Everyone is preparing for the New Year, to welcome it in their own way. While the younger generation is busy planning to make their evening a happening experience, our parents and grandparents will be seen in front of the TV sets either watching the programs or volleying between channels where lot of astrologers will give away detailed horoscope of the year to come. This happens every year.

However, apart from changing the date in the calendar I wonder what is so new about this New Year. I have no idea how it will be. But just like all you wonderful people, I too will be preparing a list full of hopes, dreams, some resolutions (which will be forgotten come February), new desires, excuses to do more shopping, some expectations, new movies. Apart from all these, I plan to come up with a new list. Something I never did previous year, something I plan to do now every year. I will have that list hung somewhere in my room where I can glance through it every time I pass by it. The list will indeed be very special to me – “The Gratitude List”.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow”, words of a elderly wise person.

So, in between those happening parties, lavish dinners, exchanging texts, calls, shopping, celebrations, steal sometime of solitude. A time that is only yours and only for you. Sit back and relax. Express your thankfulness to everyone who made you smile, who made you feel stronger, who inspired you. Reflect upon those moments of adversity and pain when life taught you some lessons without which you wouldn't be what you are today.

Like Eileen Caddy writes, “Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.” Gratitude helps you to express from the heart and invite the best in the future. So forget those moments that broke you and let us say our heartfelt gratitude to life and welcome a new beginning, a new you and me.

I am not sure how long my Gratitude List would be but here are few things that I can quickly gather:

• Thank you for bringing me into this beautiful world.
• Thank you for giving me the best parents.
• Thank you for this beautiful place I call My Home.
• Thank you for those lovely friends.
• Thank you for this soft, supple and beautiful skin.
• Thank you for making me reliable, honest and trust worthy.
• Thank you for bestowing me with creativity. I feel so special and unique.
• Thank you for all those second looks I got. :)
• Thank you for bringing those wrong people, without whom I could never appreciate and realise, recognize, admire and preserve those wonderful ones who care for me.
• Thank you for those adversities and also the strength without which I would never have been this wise.
• Thank you for all the love.
• Thank you for making me a Woman.
• Thank you for the feminity.
• Thank you for making me, ME.

And thank you to all the wonderful readers of KAHIHI for taking time to read and appreciate our efforts. A huge motivation for us.

With a promise to come out with more on KAHIHI, wishing you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!

At times, it surprises me what is so much about getting married. I was waiting in the queue to buy a ticket of Guzarish movie, when I overheard a girl, ahead of me, talking on the phone with her friend, perhaps, about how her parents are so desperate to get her married. “I feel like running away from the house…bloody f&#$,” she said with a disheartened tone while turning back to check if anyone had noticed her saying the “F” word. I saw a frown on her face, full of awe and stress.

That girl was a stranger. Though there is nothing only against girls that I want to comment, most such victims that I come across are girls. I know at least six such girls personally. I know only one such male victim. However, as much as it is unacceptable in our society for a girl to remain a spinster, the same holds true for a bachelor boy cribbing about his marriage or about the parental pressure, and hence boys usually go unnoticed. Thus the entire focus shifts to girls – the same cult which struggles and shouts for a 33% reservation, and for equal rights with men akin “kandhe se kandha mila ke chalna hai with the male bastion” succumbs to parental (and society) pressure often seeking pity under the excuse, “it is simple for you males, it is different for us” or “you guys won’t understand what we have to go through”.

How? Why? I don’t understand.

Primary reason could be our ethos which is obsessed with the norm of settling down, having a family, and living happily ever after (hopefully). Parents assume unnecessary burden of getting their children married and get desperately after it as if they need to heir to pass on their dynastical legacy – a 800 sq. ft. flat at the most with a little left over cash if not everything is spent on the marriage ceremony. What a faux paus!

Does all this really work? I know of a girl who could not bear the agony of being pushed into wedlock, and she finally married someone only to be divorced in less than 12 months. The other similar case that I know is still struggling to settle down with her forcefully chosen husband even after 3 years now.

What ultimately was the use of all those pressure tactics? Just a transformation from one agony to the other.

However, there are four daring ladies that I know who have defied the social norms, objected to their parents’ torture, and taken upon singlehood as their pride. I collectively call them, “The Bold & The Beautifuls”. They are not extremists though. You can call them selfish in a way, and why not, they follow Ayn Rand’s (a female) philosophies, the epitomes of objectivism and virtue of selfishness. “Romantic love, in the full sense of the term, is an emotion possible only to the man (or woman) of unbreached self-esteem” and “I consider marriage a very important institution, but it is important when and if two people have found the person with whom they wish to spend the rest of their lives—a question of which no man or woman can be automatically certain. When one is certain that one’s choice is final, then marriage is, of course, a desirable state. But this does not mean that any relationship based on less than total certainty is improper. I think the question of an affair or a marriage depends on the knowledge and the position of the two persons involved and should be left up to them. Either is moral, provided only that both parties take the relationship seriously and that it is based on values” is what Ayn Rand professes about love and marriage respectively. And the four bold ladies follow that.

These girls hate listening to girls (or boys) who blubber about their marriage tensions. “F*$# off,” they shout simply, “it is for you to decide whether you want to be a lover on whom true love and compassion is bestowed or a slut who is screwed by a same customer every night for that is what he has married you for.”

When argued that at end of the day you need a companion in your old age, someone to share things when you go back home, pat comes the reply, “I don’t need one of that kind in exchange for spreading my legs every night. I would rather need good health and enough money to sustain for rest of my life, and a friend/care taker/companion but not necessarily a husband”

I love when they talk about their singlehood with so much of dignity. They don’t miss giving roses or getting expensive gifts on Valentine’s Day. They don’t sad about there is no one hold their hand or fondle their breasts in the dark corners of the theatre. They don’t miss being kissed or touched.

What is the problem with singlehood? After all, it is all about you being happy.

If you are a single and struggling to find that someone to match up with perfectly or surrendering to your parents’ undue desires then think again. There is nothing wrong in being single. It is just about changing your point of view and attitude. Don’t mourn. Nothing has gone wrong.

In fact there are many things that you can do and enjoy being single. Reconnect with lost friends, go pubbing, read extensively, draw your career roadmaps, set milestones for yourself, plan a vacation, and the list can be endless. Be sure to be disciplined though; don’t be a wild bull. There is nothing as satisfying as enjoying a wholesome delightful life, where everything is yours. Soon you will apprehend the fun of being single, the advantages it has, and singlehood is not a bad thing at all.

It is not something bizarre. Singlehood does not make you look like a loser who has nothing left in life or because there is nobody to love you. On the contrary, it makes you stronger, realistic, and independent. All that it takes is change in approach and strong belief in the self. You have to love yourself and enjoy your own company. If you cannot enthuse yourself it is quite likely “that someone” may not enjoy your company for long. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, in fact mollycoddle yourself, make yourself your priority in life, decide on your pace to lead a content life.

It is not a blight being a single but an opportunity to explore yourself and evolve as a better person. The knowledge of everyday ordinary reality will dawn upon you. A good psychologist friend of mine usually says, “your best friend is just another you.”

Marriages are certainly made in heaven but an infinitesimal error can land you in hell.

Enjoy your freedom. Love thyself.

If we look closely everything that we do or intend to do is a decision. Even deciding not to do anything is a decision. And what I have observed is decisions are governed either by determination (I have to do it assertively) or by desperation (I have to do it, there is no other option). Decision by either way is fine as long as you have scored a goal. However, I have observed (even through my personal experience) that desperate decisions are not fruitful in long term and often tend to bring in frustration. The pay-offs of these decisions are short-lived. While determined decisions reap benefits in a slow manner but are permanent.

Decisions taken with desperation as a premise take longer to achieve your ultimate goals. These decisions look good short term and console you with initial offerings.

At times decisions can be both desperate as well as determined but the order has to be set perfectly. For e.g. Gates, Ambani, Einstein, and many others like them had made determined decisions to make it big, achieve something and then they got desperate about those decisions. People usually reverse the order to fight insecurity and ensure stability and in turn sacrifice on the ultimate motive. I wonder when one would confront a sense of accomplishment going this way, till date I haven’t experienced any.

Determined decisions may not get executed immediately but will reward suitably giving you a sense of achievement that won’t perish easily. A little patience is all that you need and surely we can do that than just having a mediocre lifestyle.

I’m not a health conscious person and as such not a calorie or weight conscious. Having been able to maintain constant weight proportional to my height, I don’t have any ailments either. It happens naturally in my case. I don’t make any efforts for that. I have a sweet tooth and eat as much sweet as I feel like, without a trace of fear for diabetes. I don’t do any exercise but to walk in the evenings. I can’t get up before sunrise though I’m no more a nocturnal creature now. I read till late nights instead. There is no restriction of any kind on my eating habits. I can easily gulp couple of vada-paavs or deep fried samosas without any fear. Only thing is that I’m strictly choosy about the friers, the calorie sellers and their selection of oil pulls.

In short, I can be labelled as more of a careless fellow than carefree due to the façade of my behaviour. For all this, I am grateful to my genes. There isn’t a single case of obesity in any of our generations of the past.

Even so I thank the University of California, Davis and the National Center for Food Safety and Technology, Illinois Institute of Technology for their research that people can include potatoes in their diet and still lose weight. This research was presented at the Obesity Society’s 28th Annual Scientific Meeting held during October 8-12, 2010.

The lead researcher Dr. Britt Burton-Freeman, PhD, MS. said, ‘There is no evidence that potatoes, when prepared in a healthful manner, contribute to weight gain. In fact, we are seeing that they can be part of a weight loss program.’ Forget about the research process and the high glycemic index. You’d read it soon when it starts appearing in the newspapers.

Covered on three sides by creek and fourth by sea shore, our childhood was blessed with wholesome diet of fresh fish and red rice that infused in us rich quantities of proteins. It suffices till date, I presume. Mumbai made me vegetarian due to its stinking fish. I feel the stink because I’ve eaten fish lifted straight from a creek or sea unlike the stored frozen sea food eaters of Mumbai. My mother and her brother never ate fish in Mumbai even when it was Bombay and though Bombay duck was famous and not available in our coastal village on the Goa-Maharashtra boundary. I pity the boaster fish eaters, especially in Mumbai. The sea water is polluted everywhere far beyond Mumbai shores and fish get injected with the stink.

It can be deciphered like this – Those who haven’t seen “Lawrence of Arabia” and “The Secret of Santa Vittoria” carefully, will always think Sholay to be a great movie. Or those who have not seen Al Pacino in “Scarface” will always fancy that Amitabh Bachchan as Vijay Dinanath Chauhan in “Agneepath” is great. Such illusions have developed over years and now have taken a form of truth.

Quite similarly, it’s never possible for those who have rejoiced on ice-stored dead stuff to know the real savour of the fresh water fish.

Now what other than a potato can a vegetarian can eat? In any form – boiled, cooked or fried. I am a have been a potato bhakta since ages.

In Irani hotels I’ve eaten dishfuls of potato finger chips with ‘as-much-as-you want’ tomato sauce in college days, with a pani-kum chai after that.

In Kulkarni’s hotel, in Girgaon, I’ve gulped down plates of potato bhaji served without anything; just plain simple bhaji. It’s generally eaten with chapatti or puri. But not so with the Kulkarni’s. He served batata bhaji as a special dish like bhajji plate or batata vada, unwaveringly. Those who ridiculed him before tasting his obstinate dish gulped their words along with the batata bhaji silently. With second dish they started loving Girgaon’s Kulkarni.

And who’d forget the most loved and popular Sunday morning Maharashtrian special dish. Batata-poha. I’ve been cherishing it since I was a toddler. Miss a Sunday and I’m uneasy like an addict not getting his intoxicating dose at a certain time. But crown on this all, is my home made batatyachi kaape. It is somewhat similar to potato finger chips, except that kaape are small round slices instead of long chops, and of course tastier being fully wrapped with red chilly masala powder. I can eat one hundred slices fried like this easily at a go without anything else with, I bet, any time.

Cut the washed raw potatoes without peeling and cut them horizontally into two millimeter slices. Apply rawa (grinded rice powder) mixed with red chilly masala powder with a small sprinkle of salt. Fry both sides like a fish on tawa in a suitable dose of oil you like.

Octopus Paul is dead. Probably, world is mourning; Spain certainly; India too. For India is very sentimental about such topics – astrology, predictions, fortune telling; so what if it was an octopus this time and not a roadside jyotishi sitting with a parrot. Indians, by and large, balance well between getting emotional and credulous; hoping sides as per the convenience.

Had Paul not breathed his last on 26th Oct, we could have imported him to predict the Bihar elections and the subsequent KDMC one. At least Paul could have saved us from the pique of “Tu-Tu-Main-Main” sponsored by the Thackeray Bros. The animal could have, to some extent, lessened the cat-and-dog like fight.
  
It would have been a great sigh of relief for them, us, and the media channels to have known whether it was “Uddhav’s Rajkaran” or “Raj Uddhavast” that would ultimately triumph. It then doesn’t matter what the end result it but we love to hallucinate in the galore of predictions and forecast.

Though we tried to sideline Paul claiming it is something we have been practising since ages, with a parrot though, somewhere deep within we all believed in the octopus theory.

Any social gathering or a group in college or residents of an apartment, anywhere once it is revealed that someone can read a palm or forehead, people start flocking to that person rubbing their palm hard on the bum or wiping their forehead with the forearm, to know about their future. Such is the craze.

Once at a wedding, I came across a person who could read palm of the foot. I wasn’t surprised. It is quite possible. Girls, with ghagra pulled up to the knee level, were dying to show him their feet. He was closely looking at the foot of short dark boy and proclaimed, ‘a fortune awaits this boy in next 3 years, and he is going to be a rich man with a business of his own’. The boy was actually a helper of a caterer there at the wedding. It is more than 8 years now, the by hasn’t made any fortune, he still works under the Marwadi caterer businessman. I haven’t seen that foot-palm reader ever since, fortunately for him.

 Our muse with getting predictions for the happenings in our life is abysmal. I usually don’t understand why people are so desperate to kill the thrill of their life.

Cricket channels too had started getting such fortune teller guests to predict the result of the match. The guests did all sorts of things with cards, numbers, stars etc, and gave some statistics. However, in the end, they do mention that the best team will ultimately win. Where is the fortune-teller’s skill then? Even I can make a statement like that.

Bejan Daruwala predicts the movement of the stock market. A reputed entity like CNBC and www.moneycontol.com believe more in what “Ganesha Says...” than what Gujral, Bhansali, Tulsian, etc say. Both the groups are useless anyways.

Channels make money for they know how to tap the emotional turbulence of Indians. We love getting exploited without applying even an iota of rationale to what we hear, see, and do.

Another instance where we love getting manipulated is “Vastu” and “Feng Shui”. Just because some Feng Shui consultant tells us to illuminate our home with bright red things, we buy all sorts of lustrous red that we can get and keep hoping that some great fortune will come kissing us. Feng Shui came from China. The climate there is extremely cold. In the colour wheel, red and yellow are considered to be warm colours, they depict warmth, heat. This is the reason why mostly in Chinese houses you will find abundant use of red and yellow; to possibly neutralise the effect of the cold climate. However, this may not be applicable in India. We already have a warm tropical climate, especially in Mumbai where humidity is so high.

But we are blinded by the sweet words of the astrologers, Feng Shui consultants, numerologists, and so on. By chance, if you make a fortune at all one day, it will be purely because of the hard work and dedication you put in.

Till then you may only dream to accumulate fortune, while your Feng Shui consultant and astrologer is collecting it by the way of hefty fees charged to you.

- P. K. Dastoor

Kapil Sibal recently announced about the non compulsion to send children to school. Parents can, if they wish so, refrain from sending their children to school and can instead opt to teach them at home. He won’t interfere with the parents’ choice, even if it means going against the “Right of Children to Free and Compulsory Education (RTE) Act, 2009”. The compulsion is not on the parents but on the state, he clarified.

There are many who will fret about this move, and crib about Americanisation of our youth who will spoil their future etc. However, there are equal numbers of parents who have greeted Sibal’s opinion with a smile. In fact, there are many parents who have been practicing home schooling; and their children have done well.

While there is a flip side that children may not learn to socialize or be compassionate, or may become egoistic or over dependent on their parents, there are many brighter aspects to homeschooling.

Most importantly, the child can learn and pursue something that is of his/her interest, while gathering sufficient but not mandatory knowledge about other things. Parents can opt to teach more about the life-skills than teaching them about the dead ones; what is important today is to learn how to preserve our independence and not be redolent about Babu Genu, Savarkar, Gokhale etc. It would be a good idea to teach them about reformers and thinkers than the freedom fighters. Look up any school book today; none talks anything about Swami Vivekanda except the famous religious conference of 1883. It would, rather be worthwhile to teach about his philosophies and thoughts than just “My dear brothers and sisters” to the children. It is a great opportunity to teach the children about the thoughts in the Bhagvad Gita, Upanishads, and Vedas than teaching them about the Boston Tea Part or French Revolution or Hitlers and Mussolinis. Rather than tutoring them about in which latitude and longitude the Tunga lies, it will be more commendable to teach our children about more of moral science and environmental & personal hygiene.

All this will give ample amount of time for the children and the parents to judge what they are best at and evolve as a better and successful person than just competing with other children in schools and building up unnecessary pressure. Wouldn’t it be nice to see our children smiling with no strain in brain and no loads on their back? I would love to teach my children what they want to learn and not what the education boards want them to learn; I am sure they will evolve as better people full of empathy, focused on aspirations, and content with basic needs. A practical approach to education would be much better than a formal setting.

Fathom this – after all the run for marks and shining at the brightest spot on the merit list, is a job of our desire still guaranteed? Also, it means a lot of saving on the school fees that are galloping northwards today. Homeschooling though requires lot of patience and acceptance today, will certainly see a horizon of success very soon.

Just for reference, a homeschooler has graduated from Fergusson College, one of the best in the country, and is off to Oxford, one of the best in the world.

She is the apple of daddy's eyes, mommy is her close friend, an adorable pampered little sissy at times. A Barbie doll for all at home. She is the most beautiful girl they have ever seen. She is adamant, she is caring, she is bossy. No one ever raise a voice at her. No one dare demean her. She lives in her own cocoon. She lives life the way she wants.. She is always a priority. She is confident. She feels protected. She believes she has the control. Where she is taught never to compromise on things less worthy of her. Her fears are soothed when not sure. Probably I can add millions of many beautiful lines which a daughter experiences in her home.

But the transition she feels when she marries is very different from what she would have ever imagined. She is a wife, a mother, a daughter-in-law, a co-sister, a sister-in-law.......many caps on a single head. Amazing she plays many roles at a single time. she cooks, she manages, she bonds, she gives. Life definitely changes for a girl once she is married. First of all, she abandons her cocoon to adjust to a different environment. Share herself and her things with a stranger. She learns to adjust, she learns patience. She learns the true meaning of compromise. A girl who always demanded her space now learns to give away her privacy to her husband, who might still be a stranger. He suddenly becomes her confidante and is expected her to share every chapter of her life lived so far. Where she has to do sweet talks to those whom she dislikes.Where responsibilities are thrown on her and she is expected to be perfect in everything. Of course, there isn’t any crash course offered to learn how to handle miscommunications, how to behave like a good girl and keep her senses shut when she has to put up with constant nagging. Sounds like a Saas-bahu saga?. Trust me, sometimes life is much more than those sagas. The scenario may not be the same for all. But at times I wonder where does she learn all these things to manage people. How would it be for a girl to make decisions when two families are in question. Whose side should she stand? One end is the family where she was born, where she is still a princess of that house, where she learnt the culture, where she learnt to be responsible, where she dreamt of a perfect husband and loving in-laws. The other end is her soul mate and his family. No, mistake does not exist at all. Its either she knows to do it, or she has not learnt anything. In her not so perfect house, she tailors her tastes and needs to suit the family. She is expected to do so. You see, that’s what women are meant to be. When she pronounces dependency she is quoted to be unaccomplished. When she displays individuality, she is tagged as arrogant and full of attitude. Sometimes, I feel every woman before getting into the wedlock must be given a complete port folio of her new house. So that she can at least tailor her dreams accordingly. Star Plus had come with a show called “Star Vivaah”. The prospective grooms will introduce their parents, show you their house, their tastes and things. I was wondering will they also show the temperament of their mom? Will they show what responsibilities she has to bear? Will they give her a list the things she needs to learn from spices to needles. But again on second thoughts maybe women are just meant to give. No wonder she is looked after like a princess in her mom’s house and every mother fears her daughter’s welfare when she is married.

No matter how handsome, dynamic is the groom.

Traveling during the peak hours in Mumbai is no less than an adventure, be it by any means – your private car, cab, auto, bus or a local train. People, often scream – “Kya hoga is shaher ka, kitne khadde hai”, as the bus bumps into some puddle. Close investigation (it’s very easy to get into a conversation with such frustrated people) reveals that people who often curse this city are ones who are outsiders. Welcome to Mumbai - the Swapna Nagari – (City of Dreams).

People come to Mumbai for various reasons, and in the process start taking city for granted. They expect total comfort and pleasures that they probably left back in their parent city. People start comparing Mumbai with other cities, Pune is clean, Bangalore is so organized, this is so well planned, and that is so cool and so on. The logic of this comparison is beyond comprehension of any average rationale brain. Why should there be a need to compare some city which is just on a development phase, with Mumbai? Moreover, five years from now, your city could become like Mumbai that you bicker about today, more miserable may be.

The fact that others boast of their city’s magnificent infrastructure will attract masses and in turn will make that city as much crowded as Mumbai, or even more. Similar thing happened to Mumbai. People flocked to Mumbai in search of opportunities and crowded the place all over. It had lot to offer to anyone who came in and it still does today.

Yes, it is crowded today, roads are not good, there are slums but little introspection will reveal that all of it was because of Mumbai’s image of city of dreams. Traffic problems and hindrances to infrastructural developments are because of unauthorized constructions, be it huts or chawls. Irony is outsiders have created the mess and outsiders crib about it.

A Mumbaikar (not necessarily a Maharashtrian) for no reason is blamed and becomes an object of mockery (I have personally got remarks saying – what’s this city, it’s a shit place). However, a compassionate Mumbaikar is still firm on his role of acceptance and adjustments, taking happily whatever comes his way. At end of the day, he calmly sits back and ponders what can be done to preserve this swapna nagari – Aamchi Mumbai.