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Showing posts with label Human Emotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Human Emotion. Show all posts

Ear-shattering lullabies
And muted cries,
Smoke-veiled skies
And unsaid goodbyes -
Were yours and mine
Since we opened our eyes...

In ruins we played,
Where once people prayed
And love was portrayed,
When peace had stayed -
These are yours and mine,
The memories so frayed...

Food bags with bombs,
The roads our own tombs,
Dear lives in wombs,
Seeking refuge in roofless rooms -
This page is yours and mine,
Which drowns, drains and dooms...

I remember how you'd cried
When the bad boy had pried
Away your doll's limb; I tried -
I gave you my doll's; your tears dried-
This loss is yours and mine,
Your legs, my arms; hopes've died...

Peace smiled from afar,
Like a delusional star,
Everything that was, is now char,
Blood looks like dried tar -
That stain is yours and mine,
Our forgotten life, their celebrated war...
- Sana Rose

“Thinking only about yourself is not good and it is termed as selfish. One should think about others and help them in every possible way,” I was taught this since my childhood. “It brings more pride and satisfaction of having given someone else more importance than your own self,” they explained it further.
Selfishness is a not a good trait to have. Perhaps, it indeed is true when we look at things around us. With bollywood stars, cricketers, politicians, etc. getting caught under some or the other scrutiny of investigation authorities, it is evident that being selfish at some point in life is not as fruitful in a long run.
However, as a counter thought, what is the harm if you want to think about yourself, give yourself a priority over others? Certainly, it does not mean that we get involved in scams and frauds or cause harm to people around us. It is very typical that people are helpless at borrowing some time from their own life for themselves. They are busy shuttling between their workplace and home or rushing to be the first customer at the newly erected shopping mall or glued to the television sets getting worried over fixed cricket matches or the reality shows or the over hyped news on various channels.
How long will be the wait be to get an answer to the question – “When was the last time you spent time with yourself?” Things were better earlier when one would come back to the family and spend some time with them. However, it is not so today. With work pressure on one hand and too much socializing on the other, people are getting distanced. It is an irony that the term ‘socializing’ has in fact turned human into an antisocial animal. Imagine a father and son getting time only to ‘LIKE’ and ‘COMMENT’ on each other’s status. A family staying in a 500 sq. ft. home is distanced by miles on emotional levels. All this leads to stress which keeps increasing and eventually ends up in worsening things further.
Well, it’s time to sit back and think about yourself. Give some life to your life, it is your life. Get out in the open, feel the freshness of the mornings, breath some fresh air; your life is not confined just to that office table and chair. And while a few may want to call this as selfishness, if it does some good to your own self then so be it. Ayn Rand puts this rightly in her “The Virtue of Selfishness”; also see her masterpieces “Atlas Shrugged” and “Fountainhead”, and you will know selfishness is not bad at all. Ayn Rand believed that individuals must choose their values and actions solely by reason, and that "Man — every man — is an end in himself, not the means to the ends of others." According to Rand, the individual "must exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself. The pursuit of his own rational self-interest and of his own happiness is the highest moral purpose of his life."
We all usually say (but hardly practice) cleanliness begins at home. So is the case with happiness and peace of mind. You will have to feel happy yourself if you want to give happiness to others. It is your peace of mind and satisfaction with yourself that will allow you to lend good to others. So give yourself sometime too, adore, admire and love yourself.
“Jab mile thodi fursat, khudse karle muhabbat
Hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat”
- P. K. Dastoor

Just about 2 weeks ago our ‘insanely-histrionic, uselessly-emotional’ India celebrated a stupid festival called Valentine’s Day supposedly the day to express love. Well Indians don’t need any reason or logic to celebrate anything.
I saw fools buying red roses for Rs. 100/rose, huge soft teddies, pink heart shaped balloons. I mean how foolish can this get? Valentine’s Day is in fact a day of celebrations for these vendors of roses, greeting cards, balloons; they get buyers for any price they ask (dictate rather). The rates in restaurants are inflated. And these reckless love-struck aficionados don’t care, there are in a coma in a way, senseless.
Apart from the over vaunted day of celebration, what also irks me is why does anyone need one special day to celebrate or express love. Can’t love be expressed every single day, hour, minute, second, moments?
I mean…I drink all 365 days, doctor prescribed quantity of course. And I don’t need a 31st night to go berserk about drinks and getting drunk. I enjoy each day of my life and rejoice the evenings in wait of a new bright new day next morning.
31st nights, Valentine Days, Rose Days, Hug Days, Kiss Days, Chocolate Days etc. are rotten concepts of celebrating life. It gives people a high, gives them joy. It gives them thrill and a sense of having done something special. What a gloss, all gewgaw…errrggghhh.
The fun, the thrill, the high is when you are still in your 8th grade and Maya Memsahab has released about which all you know is that it is full of adult hot content and you don’t have money to buy the theatre ticket and neither can you ask your parents for money for you can’t reveal the movie name (lying to elders was considered sinful then), and suddenly you see a pile of old newspapers, you collect them and few from your neighbours’ homes, rush to the raddiwala, sell everything and get a sepia toned soiled curled Rs. 10 note and you finally go and watch Maya Memsahab. I had understood nothing about the movie then. However, I enjoyed the sweat in finally being able to watch the movie. It is very memorable. I cherish it still.
Celebrating love is not gifting red roses or having a candle light dinner. Going down on your knees may be the most romantic thing but it makes you look like a slave, a beggar.
I am little confused about this day of celebrating love. The facts seem somewhat ambiguous. I asked few people about the Valentine’s Day and its relationship with celebrating love. None had a convincing answer. Some said it is cupid’s birthday. Who cupid? God of love…you stupid. Others said cupid was an angel. Some told me Saint Valentine’s birthday. Who Saint Valentine? The one who loved his beloved a lot? Who was his beloved? Some princess. I was dumbfounded with the answers.
Finally a source on the internet tells me: “There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honor St. Valentine. Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball. - (source: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_is_Valentine's_Day_celebrated_on_February_14)”
I still don’t find that convincing. It all sounds deliberate that people made Valentine fall in love with jailer’s daughter and made Valentine the messenger of love. I mean Valentine and jailer’s daughter could have been just friends…kya ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte?
Unless of course the story of Valentine’s and jailer’s daughter was like Maine Pyaar Kiya with Claudius playing Mohnish Behl’s part and roaring with a villainy smile – “ek ladka ladki kabhi dost nahin hote...yeh to ek parda hai parda ...kapkapati raaton main dhadkte hue dilon ki bhadakti hui aag ko bhujhaane ka....chupaane ka”…haa…haa…haa…
- P. K. Dastoor

From very young age, we are all conditioned to keep safe distance from the opposite sex, in-fact at times; an individual of opposite sex is made to be believed as an enemy.
And, one fine day one tries to and in most of the cases starts to love the enemy!
I don't advocate marriage, but if you are planning to get married, at least go through 10 break-ups. Now, I used ‘at least' considering that an average intelligent person should be to grasp the realities of life in those many attempts. Figuratively speaking, the first 3 to put the blame on the other, next 3 to blame oneself, and then the remaining to understand that it is the very attribute of love, nothing personal/subjective.
For me it has been very difficult to say ‘I love you’, even to my dad-mum-family. But, later realized my approach is slightly from the other side: ‘I accept you as you’ is my way of saying ‘I love you’, I can’t make it explicit using those three words every time.
In spiritual seeking if one decides to take the path of love, start with 3 stages – love yourself, love the other, and be the other. Ardhanareswari [Half Shiv and Half Parvati] is symbol of this 3rd Stage.
‘Love’ and ‘Acceptance’ go complementary. To love oneself, one has to accept oneself as a whole. Now, accepting oneself starts with accepting ones thoughts without being opinionated about what others with think or being judgment based on social references. Then accepting others, though not an easy path, happens naturally. Many spiritual seekers try skipping this stage due to roller-coaster ride effects. Now, when I am in the acceptance mode (love), if a person betrays or backstabs or anything out of society protocols, I would accept and understand those attributes too, as long as I am in that beautiful mode. Otherwise, it is a conditional filtered affair of the mind. Again, I have observed when liking someone, many attributes disliked universally disappear due to one likeable attribute.
One more dimension as Salman khan gyans out “Everything in life has an expiry date so does love”

- Joseph TC

We all have heard about great people, the famous ones, the successful ones, and so on. And we have also known that the key contributor of their success and fame has been dedication, hard work, perseverance, obsession to achieve that something. We give a great thought to these things. We spend hours on discussing how these great people achieved it, what made them follow their dream with such equanimity while still having a bubbling fervor in their bellies.
However, seldom do we think that even can achieve what we desire.
And it is neither impossible nor difficult, if practiced religiously.
What we call dedication, focused approach, determination is actually an energy that we transmit through our thoughts and actions that in turn attract the things you desire. Read Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist or Rhonda Byrnes’ Secret or simply watch SRK’s Om Shanti Om where he says, “Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho to poori kaynath usey tumse milane ki koshish main lag jaati hai.”
Rarely have I seen people approach a thing with positive intent.
I was once waiting for an auto near a school. It was exam time, perhaps. A group of young boys were discussing how the exam paper will be, “fadu nahi hona chahiye, apne ko answers yaad nahi aye toh,” utter nonsense, I thought. Their fear then transmigrated into viscous thoughts of how to cheat in the exam, making chits, showing answer papers by sitting in a particular manner. The nervousness was leaching in gradually, which evidently would have made their learning evaporate. Had all this time been utilized to discuss what they had studied or discussing that let the paper be of any level of difficulty we will crack it, the entire feeling would have been different, a positive feeling could have made them feel good and that feeling would have made handling the situation simpler.
I see husband and wife cribbing about finances, domestic issues, children etc. If that constant cribbing solves the problems, no worries, go ahead and suppurate as much as you want. However, it does not, sadly. It only makes life more miserable. It brings in more irritability and in certain cases even creates cracks in the relationships. Instead if you remain calm, always have a smile, and tackle things cheerfully, life indeed will become beautiful. It is no use wasting precious time in weeping about the things that bother you. As a substitute, utilize that time in working towards achieving things you desire, something that will bring contentment to your life be it material desires or at emotional or physical or spiritual.
Same is true with dissatisfied job, broken relationship, ill financial conditions, etc. etc.
We have always learnt from our school times that opposites attract, however, that is true in case of magnets and physics. But we are talking human dynamics here. We are not magnets. We are a powerhouse of intellect, emotions, comprehension.
We are different in a way that we can think, analyse, interpret, adjust, and communicate. Utilize all this to target and achieve things you desire. And pursue them all throughout. Only one single thought should run through you of what you want in life. Negativity, pessimism will only help in accumulating nuisance value which can be encashed only for heart attacks, blood pressure, stress, insomnia. Where following your dream with a strong focus will bring happiness, cheer, joy, respect, and success to you. You decide what you want. The choice lies with you, within you.
Right from the time of Mahabharata in which Arjun saw only the birds eye whereas all his other brothers saw trees, leaves, sky etc to the time when my father use to show me a small magic by burning a corner of a paper using a magnifying lens, the whole point is about focus. A strong focus makes you strong from within, confident, and powerful.
Focus on what you want and not on what you cannot. Be with likeminded people who share thoughts similar to yours, who desire similar things as you. At a subconscious level keep thinking about your aspirations and act on them at your conscious level. Keep your thought process going, keep envisaging yourself as if you are someone you wanted to be, you have everything that you wanted to have, the things, bring in some habitual changes.
Life is like a mirror. It will show you exactly what you put in front of it.
Happy Living!

- P. K. Dastoor

A bunch of good friends were talking being in touch few years down the line. I occupied a table next to theirs at a coffee shop, engrossed in reading Somerset Maugham’s “Of Human Bondage”, when a line by one of the youngster in the group befuddled me. It was a taunt to one their friend who probably was not a part of the latest social networking revolution, “this bugger doesn’t have a Facebook even, how to trace him and be in touch with him”
Why does one need to have an account on social networking site if you want to be in touch with your friend? I am in touch with so many of my friends, even over distances apart (saat samundar paar types), from the times when there were no mobile phones even, let alone Facebook or Orkut accounts. Writing letters on those blue coloured inland letters was fun; I still love writing letters.
I still don’t have a Facebook or Orkut account (Oh my my… what a sin! Errghh). Apologies, I am still a laggard soul in trying to be a part of this revolution, I may never be a part one – I am busy “enjoying” the Baba and Anna revolution.
I have phone numbers, email ids, residential address of all my friends with whom I want to be in touch with. I don’t understand what fun it is say “Hi”, “Whatsup” on those sites or poke, ping, buzz, like and scrap…ahh what the…..crap.
Wouldn’t it be nice instead to pick up the phone to ask your friend right away – “what’s up?”
I am still confused about what people do on these sites. The only people who have definitely benefited will be the one who created these sites. Ironically, though these sites boast of boosting connectivity with people, they actually are pushing individuals towards isolation and alienation of the self – it restricts yourself to just a table, chair, and your computer, whereas there are much better options to connect with your friends with a personal touch, perchance.
I have seen few amazingly surprising messages on these sites – “Took a refreshing shower”, “Saw the ‘most prettiest’ face in the mall today” et al. Why and where is the need to shout all this to the world? In a way you are getting infantalised by excessive usage of social networking sites. One analysis by a neuroscientist reported that usage of these social networking sites can cause attention deficit disorders, induce selfishness, hallucination of shaky virtual identity, etc.
Nothing can replace meeting friends over coffee or beer or perhaps even just like that. Real people, real conversations, real ideas should be the fascination and not passing over messages on the social networking sites, perhaps the dumbest thing to do. Social networking sites are just a media and a media is just a tool, it cannot replace real stuff.
Probably, ignoring it would be haven. I have stayed away from it for so many years and it is not difficult at all. Not being a part of this crazy revolution could also be revolutionary thing to do.

P.S. – Outside the campus of a reputed engineering college, I saw a banner – “One day seminar on Marketing Strategies using Facebook. Invited….blah blah blah…..Yours Socially”. Aaah, “You are So Silly,” I grunted. Engineering college should be motivating engineers to create something revolutionary (pun intended) like Facebook and not encouraging them to become a slave to that social conduit.


- P. K. Dastoor

Imagine how wonderful it will be to learn how people use their minds, their mental strategies, and act in a manner where the entire aura around everyone is filled with compassion and positive energies. It is truly an enticing experience to enrich the quality of other people’s lives. The enrichment is nothing but the change in one’s attitude and approach, necessarily in the positive direction. It leaves a magical effect on the people and also on the surroundings of those people.

Each one of us, at some point, have had felt a strong desire to bring about a change to this world, change in our surroundings, change in yourself or a person, all to make things better and have a conducive environment all around where things are un unison creating an overflow of pleasant positive things. This desire usually stems from vision, ‘our lives could be enriched and improved in some way’. Such visions provide guidance and directions for our lives and our work, furnishing the motivation and impetus for the change. Such visions when shared by number of people, form a foundation for effective team work and ultimately for progress of a civilization.

This process of change that causes human evolution, when accelerated with focused approach and objectives, give birth to revolutions. Chain of events takes place just like a rolling snowball from the top of a mountain that gathers more snow and momentum as it slides down. That small ball of stone eventually becomes mammoth like and unstoppable, engulfing anything and everything that comes in its way. These are the times when history is shaped.

Quite similarly, it is possible to bring about changes in us and revolutionise the way we behave, interact, communicate, and approach to situations, the only challenge being to take charge of the process and direct it with precision. With the changes taking place in small packets, you will one day find yourself gifted with a huge packet of solace and satisfaction. You will feel wonderful when you re-experience the most wonderful moments of life as it they are happening now, and you will become amnesiac to your problems, worries, frustrations, limitations.

The question is not whether you can be happy or successful. It is actually about how much happiness can you stand before you finally fall off? And realize this is just the beginning. There is a whole new world to be explored as saying says, “Anyone can count seeds in apple but no one can possibly count all the apples in the seed.”

- Hrishikesh Nabar
Coach consultant, NFNLP (USA) Certified Master Trainer in Neuro Linguistic Programming

A human mind is like a giant, almost impossible to tame. However, once tamed, our mind can obey us like a faithful slave, who will always serve us in our every conquest.
Entire life of every living human is invested in search of happiness everywhere – home, office, places of entertainment, et al. We all yearn for a meaningful life that will be an enjoyable experience. Every step we take is towards making possible everything that we want, and continually make changes to achieve the best possible result that we desire. And the process continues.
A human mind propels the missions that inspire us, the passion that drives us, and the execution that shapes our dreams into reality. There are many accomplished people around us and we admire them, make ideals out of them, and try to emulate their path to glory. This class of people is largely innovative and creative. These stunningly successful people, despite have achieved a position in the society – fame, money, power wise, despite having suppressed life, less privileges, financial instability, family hardships, social disgrace, and so on.
Yet they made it to where they had dreamt to be. Why?
Fluke? Luck? Rude, but it always gets us off the hook. Unfortunately, it sounds less convincing every time. Worse, creative people have an uncanny ability to stay increasingly creative. This flagrant violation of entropy and justice defy all previous explanations.
The answer lies in the ultimate technique that two young men in California (Richard Bandler – Mathematician and Computer Scientist and John Grinder – a linguist) devised, which helps shape up the human be shape human mind and change human behaviors accordingly.
The technique was named “Neuro Linguistic Programming” (NLP). This complex sounding name, however, simplifies the human mind’s most complex processes and has designed model that everyone can use today.
A single session of NLP can accelerate learning, neutralize phobias, boost creativity, improve relationships, obviate allergies, and among other miraculous achievements. Now we have ways to do what only a genius could have done two decades ago. NLP achieves the goal of its inception.
The next question that creeps in our minds is who can and how to use NLP. Surprisingly we all use NLP unknowingly. We all use our minds, albeit in a clustered mechanism. Thus we already know about using our and doing it with precision is nothing but NLP. NLP helps the human mind streamline thoughts and align our thought processes in a precise manner.
Without knowing about the techniques of yoga, we still use to breathe. After learning yoga, for example, only the technique of breathing changed, it became more organized and systematic. Like is NLP – yoga of the mind.
Wouldn’t it be a gratifying experience to have your thoughts channelized and let things happen the way you want them to happen? Imagine how wonderful it will be to get rid of all your fears and just be what you want to be. Wouldn’t getting used to be happy and enjoy every moment of life be an addiction worth clinging onto?
Now contemplate, think of the possibilities and meditate! Just go deep and do it quickly. It’s a lots of fun.. Enjoy !
That’s NLP
- Hrishikesh Nabar
Coach consultant, NFNLP (USA) Certified Master Trainer in Neuro Linguistic Programming

I was waiting for my cab. I was standing under a tree shade next to a small shop which was at the entry of a lane that led to my residential complex. It was a scorching afternoon with passing by vehicles puffing out black smoke. I dwell in a area that still has a tinge of rural setting. Old men manoeuvring their cattle across the road is a usual sight. Schools children were flocking across the roads, some with their mothers, some with their maids, and few with their school gangs. I was rejoicing this landscape.

A collision between a truck and a four wheeler interrupted my wallow. The drivers got into a brawl. Soon, people from neighbourhood joined the chaos. Later the truck driver fled and things were coming to a stand still when a gang of school children surrounded the truck, started the typical “maa-bhen” abuse and pelted stones at the truck, few of them even tried to run in search of the truck driver with stones in their hand. I was left awestruck.

Moments later my cab arrived and I was on my way to a venue where I had to deliver a speech on “Stress Management & Relaxation Techniques”.

All through the way, the act of those school children reflected upon me, the collision episode was slowly diminishing from my memory. I was still surprised at the way those children, still in their nascent age, reacted to the incident. They probably had no clue about what went wrong, whose mistake it was, or what the entire situation was about.

From where did this temperament of violence and abuse creep in? Weren’t they at an age to run bare feet into the sprawling fields or play cricket or do things that children of that age did?

My further pondering made a swarm of thoughts swirl in my mind. Foremost, the patience level has gone down generically across the entire generation, including the parents. With the kind of separations taking place increasingly it is inevitable that tolerance level of young couples has gone down. With the parents not able to manage their time and stress effectively, the frustration is passed on to the children. And in few cases children witness their parent’s agitation which gets engraved on their innocent minds, which is later practiced in the world outside, seldom noticed by their parents.

Other factor could possibly be technology; with arcade games gaining so much popularity, children today have forgotten playing strategy board games or outdoor games. These games actually help in channelizing mental thoughts and building up endurance which effectively aid individual’s physiological, physical, and psychological well-being/development. The computer games nowadays where killings, robberies, bomb blasts are primary themes teach children similar motives and have an adverse effect on children’s minds, and this is practised in the outer world again. Their minds become to prone to violent behaviour and their mindset takes a shape of thought – “eradication is the only solution”. In some parts of the country, access to weapons is easy, thus facilitating irrational killings or bloodshed where satisfaction of the ego is the only objective and impatience (inability to rationalise) the root cause.
Children are so much soaked in violence that it won’t be surprising to hear them talk about it or go ahead and do it.

It is the time to ask “WHY” such kind of behaviour has become so ubiquitous in our society and there is a strong need to devise techniques to alienate violence among children. While stringent rules and law regulations will not be the only solution to this problem, I am sure you will second me about the requisite veracity that mental well-being is a crucial facet of children’s young years.

   
Psychologists all over who have been practicing in schools and counselling about children’s mental health have stressed that it is just not necessary to impart academic and learning skills but it is also important to teach them thinking ability, coping up and communicating skills, and also few methods on behavioural aspects.

Every school, ideally, should have psychologists or behavioural therapists on their panels so counsel the children on timely basis and interface with the parents regularly to teach and seek feedback about mental wellness techniques.

Mental health services and counselling practices must be implemented in schools and our children rightly deserve it. Resources are available in plenty, they need to be tapped and there needs to be a change in our mentality too – “every individual referred to a psychologist does not necessarily equate to one being mad”. There needs to be strong measures for involvement and prevention at the earliest.

P.S. - Unfortunately, psychologists are projected as helpers, who are brought in only after the crisis has taken place, which regrettably is demeaning and certainly fruitless.

- Pragyan Jha
(Pragyan Jha is a qualified psychologist & practicing counsellor in Pune)

An individual’s stress is a response to a threatening or challenging environmental condition. To understand and explore more about the stress, it is important to know about the association of stress and fear. Both are correlated to each other. But in many cases we are responsible for our stress. We encounter both positive and negative stressors; circumstances from where the stress is originated.

Stress though largely associated with psychological patterns, impacts one’s well being physically and affects the physiological system. In long run it dampens physical alertness and makes our body a hatchery for various physical ailments such as high blood pressure, metabolic disorders (like diabetes, indigestion & impotency) and increased incidences of cold and flu. Prolonged stress can be observed in post traumatic stress disorders, major depression and in some cases aging, lack of appetite, severe hair loss etc. However, the significant brunt is on the mental health. It kills your zeal, the ability to do things you enjoy, and it creates a deep fissure in your positive thinking pattern which can really be hazardous, eventually leading to state of loneliness, addiction, violent behaviour etc seeping inside you like a slow poison.

   
There is good news though. There are ways to tackle stress. As is rightly said, “a stitch in time saves nine”, stress too can be handled effectively when curative actions are taken adequately and appropriately.

Our response to stress depends on many factors like genetic inheritance, family & childhood experiences, overall physical & mental health and our perception of stress. It has been medically proved that our thoughts and emotions influence our health – body is the state of mind. This is so because there is a strong physical link between brain and the immune system.

I wish to emphasize again that stress does not originate from air or water or plants or anything around us. Stress is seated within us and it entirely depends on us when and how much of it to liberate. So as stress originates from within us, we should make an attempt from within to eliminate it. And this is simple. Controlled behaviour and attitude can do the miracle. Our mind is the mirror of the self, and responds in the manner we think. An individual’s well being plays a crucial role in successful adjustment. Positive attitude and behavior are vital for mind and body. So it’s well said, heaven and hell reside in the person’s mind; it depends entirely on that person which side he/she wants to fall and lead a life.

However, let me also leave you with a perspective that stress is always not harmful. Anything in controlled manner and moderation is good, we all have been taught of this since our childhood and possibly many of us have practiced and experienced it too. Short term stress has its benefits. Little anxiety and work pressure enhances the performance of an individual. It has a positive impact as it leads to more dedicated effort from an individual who strives for higher achievement levels. Also, sometimes acute stress is good for gearing up body’s immune system.

Use “Stress” in another standpoint. Change the meaning of “stress” in your life to “being assertive”. Stress on the importance of living not just existing, stress on achieving success & excellence, stress on leading a life full of happiness & contentment.
Have a good life! It’s fun!

- Pragyan Jha
(Pragyan Jha is a qualified psychologist & practicing counsellor in Pune)

Today, hi-tech innovations and scientific revolution have gripped all around us. It has become nearly impossible to imagine a thing without them. Though these innovations have made life simpler mechanically, it has deeply hampered human’s natural behaviour. The psyche to get things (results) immediately has reduced the patience levels of an individual thereby distorting the entire pattern of our society. The structure of our thinking and the building blocks of our society are changing rapidly thus creating a social and mental imbalance. Day to day examples of these can be observed in increased stress levels of employed individuals, rising amounts of divorces, adjusting with the family, fights on petty issues, unnecessary violent reactions, and so on.

Before the picture gets more worrisome, it is the time to heal the society and its habitants. Counselling has become the need of the hour, among one of the basic necessities of life apart from roti, kapda, makaan. Counselling is required for better adaptation of an individual.

Counselling comprises professional experts giving personal help to the distressed mind. More often people get wary of a counsellor, as psychologist habitually equated to someone to cures madness. People fear being called mad or someone taking medical help for mental illness. However, counselling is not about all that. It is in fact to help an individual concentrate on his/her well being.

Counselling is designed to assist a person in accomplishing the purpose of achieving a stable mind that helps induce rational thought process. It does not answer the dilemma of an individual, but facilitates the individual to resolve the problem on his/her own.

It is myth that counselling is about treating mad people or imbalanced minds. On the contrary, counselling focuses on guiding the person by understanding his psyche than focussing on the problem and treating it.

This distinct profession has its interdisciplinary base, interlinked with other fields such as sociology, history, anthropology, psychometric, psychology, ethics, and hence it is a wonderful culmination of theories (& practices) that promote the growth of an individual by self- direction.

Guidance counsellor, an expert who practices counselling, supports an individual by systematic professional process through education and interpretive procedure. This is meant to enable the individual to gain better understanding of his own characteristics and potentialities. Further, in accordance with social & moral values, this helps him to relate himself more satisfactorily to social requirement and opportunities.

With increasing pressures to achieve higher things in life, people have forgotten the basic value of enjoying life. Rather than detaching oneself from the material pleasures, people are today coming loose from nature and simple pleasures in life. It is here that counselling helps you create a balance. It does not set a vision for you, it does not give you direction in life but certainly helps you improve your patience levels and shred the ignorance that has innately leached inside you.

- Pragyan Jha
(Pragyan Jha is a qualified psychologist & practicing counsellor in Pune)

My friend sent me a text message last week asking me to list my favourite moment, my sad moment, my happiest moment etc of the year 2010. It then dawned on me that countdown for the New Year has begun. I have been waiting for the clock to tick to twelve.

I quickly spiraled down the memory lane to ponder over the year that went by. There were moments that gave me extreme joy. However, there were times when I regret the oysters I threw away from my life when I forgot to see the pearls inside them.

The beginning was scary, life had taken a tumultuous turn and I am still on the recovery path; matters have improved a lot though. The year was a roller coaster ride.

Now, I have began to look at the previous year not only from my perspective and the effects it had had one me but also taking under purview the people who matter to me. For some of my friends their life changed drastically when stork visited them delivering to them the new meaning of life. To a few, life taught painful lessons at the cost of their beloved ones.

Changes were influencing not only personal lives but professional lives as well. The tidal wave of recession made situations worrisome, every step needed a cautious attention, and career roadmap needed a meticulous approach.

Now again the clock is ticking fast. Everyone is preparing for the New Year, to welcome it in their own way. While the younger generation is busy planning to make their evening a happening experience, our parents and grandparents will be seen in front of the TV sets either watching the programs or volleying between channels where lot of astrologers will give away detailed horoscope of the year to come. This happens every year.

However, apart from changing the date in the calendar I wonder what is so new about this New Year. I have no idea how it will be. But just like all you wonderful people, I too will be preparing a list full of hopes, dreams, some resolutions (which will be forgotten come February), new desires, excuses to do more shopping, some expectations, new movies. Apart from all these, I plan to come up with a new list. Something I never did previous year, something I plan to do now every year. I will have that list hung somewhere in my room where I can glance through it every time I pass by it. The list will indeed be very special to me – “The Gratitude List”.

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow”, words of a elderly wise person.

So, in between those happening parties, lavish dinners, exchanging texts, calls, shopping, celebrations, steal sometime of solitude. A time that is only yours and only for you. Sit back and relax. Express your thankfulness to everyone who made you smile, who made you feel stronger, who inspired you. Reflect upon those moments of adversity and pain when life taught you some lessons without which you wouldn't be what you are today.

Like Eileen Caddy writes, “Gratitude helps you to grow and expand; gratitude brings joy and laughter into your life and into the lives of all those around you.” Gratitude helps you to express from the heart and invite the best in the future. So forget those moments that broke you and let us say our heartfelt gratitude to life and welcome a new beginning, a new you and me.

  
  
I am not sure how long my Gratitude List would be but here are few things that I can quickly gather:
  • Thank you for bringing me into this beautiful world.
  • Thank you for giving me the best parents.
  • Thank you for this beautiful place I call My Home.
  • Thank you for those lovely friends.
  • Thank you for this soft, supple and beautiful skin.
  • Thank you for making me reliable, honest and trust worthy.
  • Thank you for bestowing me with creativity. I feel so special and unique.
  • Thank you for all those second looks I got. :)
  • Thank you for bringing those wrong people, without whom I could never appreciate and realise, recognize, admire and preserve those wonderful ones who care for me.
  • Thank you for those adversities and also the strength without which I would never have been this wise.
  • Thank you for all the love.
  • Thank you for making me a Woman.
  • Thank you for the feminity.
  • Thank you for making me, ME.
And thank you to all the wonderful readers of KAHIHI for taking time to read and appreciate our efforts. A huge motivation for us.

With a promise to come out with more on KAHIHI, wishing you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!

- Anitha Govardhan

I decided never to get into a relationship. I have devoutly consorted to this resolution for over a decade now. Every year I just renew this resolution. And with every passing year my confidence in my New Year resolution has deepened. Till date I don’t have a concrete rationale why I should fall in love or have a companion or get into a relationship.

For me getting into a relationship is farce where nothing is true. Even the words “I love you” or “tum mujhe acche lagte ho” are perfunctory. Those words look and sound beautiful only in the start, only to fade away eventually. The words are good to strike off the chord, begin the communication, however, later the communication lines get jammed up, and later things are directly taken for granted without a thought to other person’s intentions. Where does the essence of getting into relationship ooze off?

Most often, relationships make one sacrifice on self respect and dignity. I know many people who had literally begged to a girl to get her nod to accept their proposal. I am still confused about what is there so much to die for. Girls brutally exploited those boys to get free bike rides, watch movies, and eat at the Taj, Marriott. The megalomaniac boys showered their hard money on their stupid girlfriends. Not that I don’t have that kind of money but I find it foolish to spend it in return for holding a hand along the sea shore or getting a kiss in return.

I ask many what makes them so desperate to get into a relationship. Answers range from Mercury to Pluto, with our without logic, sensual to emotional but none to convince me.

I have been observing an imprudent friend of mine lately. He has been smitten by the “I-need-you : you-are-my-life : you-make-me-smile : you-are-the-one” bug. This insanely-in-love friend of mine just doesn’t understand the logic of ‘shut it-fuck it-forget it’. The girl smartly plays “ringa-ringa-roses” of words with him and he stays amused by all that. I wonder what makes him stay so optimistic about the entire episode. He falls to the every excuse she gives him – ‘what’s the hurry’, ‘time will tell’, ‘we still don’t know each other well’, and so on. My silly friend takes all that and sleeps off with sweet dreams in his head and smile on his lips. Idiot!

I don’t understand how time will tell anything. Aren’t we supposed to plan our time, schedule things, and make our plans work in accordance? I understand there is no hurry unless you don’t mind holding shivering hands or kisses with hollow toothless mouth or don’t expect children at the age when only function the reproductive organ can do is micturate. And when does one plan to know each other well enough? Most of the time my friend doesn’t even get to talk to the one whom he admires so much. All calls go unattended, SMS unreplied, there are only specific time windows when calls can be made. It is all so conditional and unrealistic. Well such a case, most certainly the time when you would have actually got to know each other is during the old age. And I thought true relationships are unconditional and beyond any time factor.

I see break offs, divorces, on-time-weddings all around me. There is zero patience in relationships today. There was a time when I read about foreign celebrity divorces in newspapers, see divorces in movies, then saw my own parents going through it, and then seeing it among my friends. My belief in relationships has shattered with each passing day and my belief in not getting into one has strengthened exponentially in the rising ratio. I hate it when relationships are sought desperately turning a blind eye to the fact that you lay at the mercy of other person’s wish and will.

There are people who pity me, laugh at my misanthropic (which I am not, people have assumed it to be so) life. I just smile back with a thought, ‘let’s see whose smile lasts longer’.

- P. K. Dastoor

At times, it surprises me what is so much about getting married. I was waiting in the queue to buy a ticket of Guzarish movie, when I overheard a girl, ahead of me, talking on the phone with her friend, perhaps, about how her parents are so desperate to get her married. “I feel like running away from the house…bloody f&#$,” she said with a disheartened tone while turning back to check if anyone had noticed her saying the “F” word. I saw a frown on her face, full of awe and stress.

That girl was a stranger. Though there is nothing only against girls that I want to comment, most such victims that I come across are girls. I know at least six such girls personally. I know only one such male victim. However, as much as it is unacceptable in our society for a girl to remain a spinster, the same holds true for a bachelor boy cribbing about his marriage or about the parental pressure, and hence boys usually go unnoticed. Thus the entire focus shifts to girls – the same cult which struggles and shouts for a 33% reservation, and for equal rights with men akin “kandhe se kandha mila ke chalna hai with the male bastion” succumbs to parental (and society) pressure often seeking pity under the excuse, “it is simple for you males, it is different for us” or “you guys won’t understand what we have to go through”.

How? Why? I don’t understand.

Primary reason could be our ethos which is obsessed with the norm of settling down, having a family, and living happily ever after (hopefully). Parents assume unnecessary burden of getting their children married and get desperately after it as if they need to heir to pass on their dynastical legacy – a 800 sq. ft. flat at the most with a little left over cash if not everything is spent on the marriage ceremony. What a faux paus!

Does all this really work? I know of a girl who could not bear the agony of being pushed into wedlock, and she finally married someone only to be divorced in less than 12 months. The other similar case that I know is still struggling to settle down with her forcefully chosen husband even after 3 years now.

What ultimately was the use of all those pressure tactics? Just a transformation from one agony to the other.

However, there are four daring ladies that I know who have defied the social norms, objected to their parents’ torture, and taken upon singlehood as their pride. I collectively call them, “The Bold & The Beautifuls”. They are not extremists though. You can call them selfish in a way, and why not, they follow Ayn Rand’s (a female) philosophies, the epitomes of objectivism and virtue of selfishness. “Romantic love, in the full sense of the term, is an emotion possible only to the man (or woman) of unbreached self-esteem” and “I consider marriage a very important institution, but it is important when and if two people have found the person with whom they wish to spend the rest of their lives—a question of which no man or woman can be automatically certain. When one is certain that one’s choice is final, then marriage is, of course, a desirable state. But this does not mean that any relationship based on less than total certainty is improper. I think the question of an affair or a marriage depends on the knowledge and the position of the two persons involved and should be left up to them. Either is moral, provided only that both parties take the relationship seriously and that it is based on values” is what Ayn Rand professes about love and marriage respectively. And the four bold ladies follow that.

These girls hate listening to girls (or boys) who blubber about their marriage tensions. “F*$# off,” they shout simply, “it is for you to decide whether you want to be a lover on whom true love and compassion is bestowed or a slut who is screwed by a same customer every night for that is what he has married you for.”

When argued that at end of the day you need a companion in your old age, someone to share things when you go back home, pat comes the reply, “I don’t need one of that kind in exchange for spreading my legs every night. I would rather need good health and enough money to sustain for rest of my life, and a friend/care taker/companion but not necessarily a husband”

I love when they talk about their singlehood with so much of dignity. They don’t miss giving roses or getting expensive gifts on Valentine’s Day. They don’t sad about there is no one hold their hand or fondle their breasts in the dark corners of the theatre. They don’t miss being kissed or touched.

What is the problem with singlehood? After all, it is all about you being happy.

If you are a single and struggling to find that someone to match up with perfectly or surrendering to your parents’ undue desires then think again. There is nothing wrong in being single. It is just about changing your point of view and attitude. Don’t mourn. Nothing has gone wrong.

In fact there are many things that you can do and enjoy being single. Reconnect with lost friends, go pubbing, read extensively, draw your career roadmaps, set milestones for yourself, plan a vacation, and the list can be endless. Be sure to be disciplined though; don’t be a wild bull. There is nothing as satisfying as enjoying a wholesome delightful life, where everything is yours. Soon you will apprehend the fun of being single, the advantages it has, and singlehood is not a bad thing at all.

It is not something bizarre. Singlehood does not make you look like a loser who has nothing left in life or because there is nobody to love you. On the contrary, it makes you stronger, realistic, and independent. All that it takes is change in approach and strong belief in the self. You have to love yourself and enjoy your own company. If you cannot enthuse yourself it is quite likely “that someone” may not enjoy your company for long. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, in fact mollycoddle yourself, make yourself your priority in life, decide on your pace to lead a content life.

It is not a blight being a single but an opportunity to explore yourself and evolve as a better person. The knowledge of everyday ordinary reality will dawn upon you. A good psychologist friend of mine usually says, “your best friend is just another you.”

Marriages are certainly made in heaven but an infinitesimal error can land you in hell.

Enjoy your freedom. Love thyself.

- P. K. Dastoor

My niece and I visited an amusement park last weekend. She had been after me since many weeks. Not able to further confront her frowning face, we packed our little bags with the essentials, and drove to the amusement park that had recently opened on the outskirts of the city. More than imagining about the fun we were going to have at the park, I was jollied with the enthusiasm my niece had in her. She was singing all the way, waving her little hands to the kids on the road side, licking the chocolate bar, crunching the potato chips et al.

We reached the destination as per our schedule. It was fun. Lots of joy rides, games, ice creams, and bites of sandwiches. At midday, we took little rest on the lush green lawn under a widely spread banyan tree. I noticed my niece had fixed her gaze on something else. Bright colourful balloons floating in the air had become her fancy. She had instantly fallen in love with the red, blue, yellow, pink, and white shades of the balloons. I bought her one of each colour. With strings of those balloons tightly clutched in her left hand and the right hand gripped in my left palm, she walked hopped all through the way till the parking area. We were heading back home.

My niece had become very possessive and protective of the balloons. She had tied them to a corner of her bed. She took a look at them at least ten times in a day. She kissed each colour once in her every visit. Worried that someone might steal them, she never took those balloons out to play with her friends. Yet she rushed back to her room often while in middle of the game to check if her balloons were in place. She use to go back with a smile. She was so much in love with them.

Eventually with each passing day, she noticed that the balloons were getting smaller and smaller. The smile on her face was making a reverse curve now. Finally one day, she found all her balloons have disappeared and only pieces of rubber remained. She cried a lot that day. She insisted that she wanted the old ones only. I had to surrender. Though it was too mature a statement for her tender age, I had to irrevocably explain to her that nothing is permanent, nothing lasts forever, and one day everything fades away and so on. My niece told me that she will buy new ones, if she wants to, when she grows up; till then she will just be happy about the moments of happiness she had had with those five balloons. In a span of one week or so, my niece had graduated from a series of emotions – happiness, obsession, insecurity, sadness, mournful, and finally maturity.

While returning from office that evening, crammed in the traffic jam, my words to my niece that afternoon resonated back to me. I could draw many analogies based on that, most principally about our interactions or relationships of our day-to-day life. I kept thinking to myself that every relationship in our life is like those little balloons spreading color and joy and making a difference to what we are.

Some relationships leave everlasting impressions in our lives and give us the strength to lead our life till the end with just the fond memories of those relationships. Like how those balloons introduced my niece to different shades of emotions, relationships too take you on a trail of feelings. At times, relationships give you a reason to experience fullness, make you feel stronger, guide us through the difficult times as support, strength and aid us physically, emotionally and perchance spiritually. Some relationships become an integral part of your existence.

Sometimes, we feel that a particular relationship and the things happened to us as they were like a God’s gift especially for us. They are in our lives for the reason we need them to be. They make an impact and difference to who we are.

Yet eventually, no matter how strongly we tend to hold on to it, the relationship hits a roadblock and everything turns into a void. Worst is the fact that sometimes relationships end for no fault of ours, like the balloons disappearing at their will for no fault of my little angel.

People simply walk away. Sometimes they force us to stand up and put a period to the relationship. The fancy of “my world ends at you” soon turns into a fallacy when the same person ends up everything, and you are left staring into the infinity about the next step. You stumble, your crawl, you drag yourself but the person had walked away, too far, too soon.

Relationships sporadically teach us something we have never done before. The mourning and the pain might lessen if we accept the fact that every act has a reason. All we can do is accept the reality, love, and cherish every moment spent. Though it may seem like the end of the world, in reality it is not. Just that it needs some courage. There can always be a new beginning. Though a particular relationship is irreplaceable, a new relationship may be on its way that will shower happiness and love on you all over. You need to welcome it smile, optimism, and little caution perhaps. Don’t shut yourself because something did not work earlier. Open your heart to new ones and embrace the beauty of life, the beauty exists because of every relationship. So let’s love and respect what we have while we still have it for it is certain that “Nothing Lasts Forever”, so before it exhausts live it to your fullest.

- Anitha Govardhan

If we look closely everything that we do or intend to do is a decision. Even deciding not to do anything is a decision. And what I have observed is decisions are governed either by determination (I have to do it assertively) or by desperation (I have to do it, there is no other option). Decision by either way is fine as long as you have scored a goal. However, I have observed (even through my personal experience) that desperate decisions are not fruitful in long term and often tend to bring in frustration. The pay-offs of these decisions are short-lived. While determined decisions reap benefits in a slow manner but are permanent.

Decisions taken with desperation as a premise take longer to achieve your ultimate goals. These decisions look good short term and console you with initial offerings.

At times decisions can be both desperate as well as determined but the order has to be set perfectly. For e.g. Gates, Ambani, Einstein, and many others like them had made determined decisions to make it big, achieve something and then they got desperate about those decisions. People usually reverse the order to fight insecurity and ensure stability and in turn sacrifice on the ultimate motive. I wonder when one would confront a sense of accomplishment going this way, till date I haven’t experienced any.

Determined decisions may not get executed immediately but will reward suitably giving you a sense of achievement that won’t perish easily. A little patience is all that you need and surely we can do that than just having a mediocre lifestyle.

- Anitha Govardhan

Octopus Paul is dead. Probably, world is mourning; Spain certainly; India too. For India is very sentimental about such topics – astrology, predictions, fortune telling; so what if it was an octopus this time and not a roadside jyotishi sitting with a parrot. Indians, by and large, balance well between getting emotional and credulous; hoping sides as per the convenience.

Had Paul not breathed his last on 26th Oct, we could have imported him to predict the Bihar elections and the subsequent KDMC one. At least Paul could have saved us from the pique of “Tu-Tu-Main-Main” sponsored by the Thackeray Bros. The animal could have, to some extent, lessened the cat-and-dog like fight.
  
It would have been a great sigh of relief for them, us, and the media channels to have known whether it was “Uddhav’s Rajkaran” or “Raj Uddhavast” that would ultimately triumph. It then doesn’t matter what the end result it but we love to hallucinate in the galore of predictions and forecast.

Though we tried to sideline Paul claiming it is something we have been practising since ages, with a parrot though, somewhere deep within we all believed in the octopus theory.

Any social gathering or a group in college or residents of an apartment, anywhere once it is revealed that someone can read a palm or forehead, people start flocking to that person rubbing their palm hard on the bum or wiping their forehead with the forearm, to know about their future. Such is the craze.

Once at a wedding, I came across a person who could read palm of the foot. I wasn’t surprised. It is quite possible. Girls, with ghagra pulled up to the knee level, were dying to show him their feet. He was closely looking at the foot of short dark boy and proclaimed, ‘a fortune awaits this boy in next 3 years, and he is going to be a rich man with a business of his own’. The boy was actually a helper of a caterer there at the wedding. It is more than 8 years now, the by hasn’t made any fortune, he still works under the Marwadi caterer businessman. I haven’t seen that foot-palm reader ever since, fortunately for him.

 Our muse with getting predictions for the happenings in our life is abysmal. I usually don’t understand why people are so desperate to kill the thrill of their life.

Cricket channels too had started getting such fortune teller guests to predict the result of the match. The guests did all sorts of things with cards, numbers, stars etc, and gave some statistics. However, in the end, they do mention that the best team will ultimately win. Where is the fortune-teller’s skill then? Even I can make a statement like that.

Bejan Daruwala predicts the movement of the stock market. A reputed entity like CNBC and www.moneycontol.com believe more in what “Ganesha Says...” than what Gujral, Bhansali, Tulsian, etc say. Both the groups are useless anyways.

Channels make money for they know how to tap the emotional turbulence of Indians. We love getting exploited without applying even an iota of rationale to what we hear, see, and do.

Another instance where we love getting manipulated is “Vastu” and “Feng Shui”. Just because some Feng Shui consultant tells us to illuminate our home with bright red things, we buy all sorts of lustrous red that we can get and keep hoping that some great fortune will come kissing us. Feng Shui came from China. The climate there is extremely cold. In the colour wheel, red and yellow are considered to be warm colours, they depict warmth, heat. This is the reason why mostly in Chinese houses you will find abundant use of red and yellow; to possibly neutralise the effect of the cold climate. However, this may not be applicable in India. We already have a warm tropical climate, especially in Mumbai where humidity is so high.

But we are blinded by the sweet words of the astrologers, Feng Shui consultants, numerologists, and so on. By chance, if you make a fortune at all one day, it will be purely because of the hard work and dedication you put in.

Till then you may only dream to accumulate fortune, while your Feng Shui consultant and astrologer is collecting it by the way of hefty fees charged to you.

- P. K. Dastoor

APPRECIATION! A simple 12 letter word can be a great expression of gratitude, when used timely and wisely.

If you have ever observed closely, appreciation works wonders, helps you start your day on definite positive note. It will keep you motivated all through the day, may be even weeks. It will bestow upon you a sense of recognition. However, as unfortunate it may sound, most of the times things tend to be taken for granted, thus slaying the entire essence of simplicity and the might of few “feel-good” words.

Slow down, look around. You will find a zillion reasons to appreciate little things around you. Do you remember the last time you appreciated your toiling gardener. Yes, that very gardener who got parched with those hot sunrays just to ensure that your verandah remains full of shade and greenery. The one who pulled out the weeds, mended overgrown bushes, and nurtured those plants to decorate your house surroundings. You might want to argue about all that being his duty and he is anyways meant to do it. However, wouldn’t have a gesture of gratitude worked like a shot in the arm for him? Gardener may seem like someone distant, not in relation, you may argue further. Do you remember having ever said ‘thank you’ to your spouse or kid who welcomes you at home with cheerful smile, enough to drain away the tiredness in you? Most certainly and unfortunately the answer will be ‘no’ or you would keep rubbing your memory forever.

We don’t do it anywhere not to our maids, family, employees, colleagues, or just may be some stranger on the street. We have lost the beautiful gift of smile and appreciation. We are too busy accumulating wealth, buying automated gadgets, celebrating luxury vacations. All this perhaps offers physical and social comfort. However, at emotional or mental level, the restlessness will still continue to crumple you under distress.

At times, simple and small nice words do wonders than big incentives, monetary or otherwise. People may forget those incentives, the amount may soon perish, and however, they will forever cherish how you made them feel at a particular moment.

Take time to appreciate simple little things around you, and see the change that will come to you, your attitude, and your life overall.

I APPRECIATE your time for reading this.

- Anitha Govardhan

She is the apple of daddy's eyes, mommy is her close friend, an adorable pampered little sissy at times. A Barbie doll for all at home. She is the most beautiful girl they have ever seen. She is adamant, she is caring, she is bossy. No one ever raise a voice at her. No one dare demean her. She lives in her own cocoon. She lives life the way she wants.. She is always a priority. She is confident. She feels protected. She believes she has the control. Where she is taught never to compromise on things less worthy of her. Her fears are soothed when not sure. Probably I can add millions of many beautiful lines which a daughter experiences in her home.

But the transition she feels when she marries is very different from what she would have ever imagined. She is a wife, a mother, a daughter-in-law, a co-sister, a sister-in-law.......many caps on a single head. Amazing she plays many roles at a single time. she cooks, she manages, she bonds, she gives. Life definitely changes for a girl once she is married. First of all, she abandons her cocoon to adjust to a different environment. Share herself and her things with a stranger. She learns to adjust, she learns patience. She learns the true meaning of compromise. A girl who always demanded her space now learns to give away her privacy to her husband, who might still be a stranger. He suddenly becomes her confidante and is expected her to share every chapter of her life lived so far. Where she has to do sweet talks to those whom she dislikes.Where responsibilities are thrown on her and she is expected to be perfect in everything. Of course, there isn’t any crash course offered to learn how to handle miscommunications, how to behave like a good girl and keep her senses shut when she has to put up with constant nagging. Sounds like a Saas-bahu saga?. Trust me, sometimes life is much more than those sagas. The scenario may not be the same for all. But at times I wonder where does she learn all these things to manage people. How would it be for a girl to make decisions when two families are in question. Whose side should she stand? One end is the family where she was born, where she is still a princess of that house, where she learnt the culture, where she learnt to be responsible, where she dreamt of a perfect husband and loving in-laws. The other end is her soul mate and his family. No, mistake does not exist at all. Its either she knows to do it, or she has not learnt anything. In her not so perfect house, she tailors her tastes and needs to suit the family. She is expected to do so. You see, that’s what women are meant to be. When she pronounces dependency she is quoted to be unaccomplished. When she displays individuality, she is tagged as arrogant and full of attitude. Sometimes, I feel every woman before getting into the wedlock must be given a complete port folio of her new house. So that she can at least tailor her dreams accordingly. Star Plus had come with a show called “Star Vivaah”. The prospective grooms will introduce their parents, show you their house, their tastes and things. I was wondering will they also show the temperament of their mom? Will they show what responsibilities she has to bear? Will they give her a list the things she needs to learn from spices to needles. But again on second thoughts maybe women are just meant to give. No wonder she is looked after like a princess in her mom’s house and every mother fears her daughter’s welfare when she is married.

No matter how handsome, dynamic is the groom.

- Anitha Govardhan

History of mankind in short is war between good and evil. Even our Indian mythologies believe and prove it’s always ‘truth that triumphs’. But is the truth always the truth? Isn’t it’s definition incomplete without a lie? What is good without evil? These ever-puzzling questions have been marvelously raised in an intriguing Japanese anime–series, “Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion”.

Produced by Sunrise, it is undoubtedly the best so far, showing almost every human emotion, and justifying the fact that ‘Good might do good unto somebody, but it’s still bad for another’.

Set in post world-war period in 2017 a.t.b, it’s a story about two superpowers, the tyrannical Britannia and The Nationalist Chinese Federation. The Holy Britannian Empire is a symbol of absolute tyranny for the Japanese, as they have stripped the Japanese of their rights, their freedom, and their name. The Japanese are addressed as “Numbers”, the residents of Area 11(the new name of Japan), for example.

The Britannians torture, harass, and indiscriminate the Japanese people. The Emperor of this kingdom, Charles VI Britannia, proclaims that “All Men are not Born Equal. Inequality is not Evil”. A kingdom whose ruler is that wretched is sure to be the same. There are rebellions among the Japanese to overthrow the regime. However, they are crushed mercilessly using a Humanoid powered armor called the ‘Knightmares’, a scientific innovation of unimaginable power, which constantly evolves throughout the series to become a formidable weapon for our scientists to ponder upon.

Lelouch Lamperouge, the hero of the movie, is a young Britannian student and vice-president of the student council at Ashford Academy, a carefree school with a carefree student council. Leading a simple life with his blind and physically disabled sister Nanally, of whom he is very fond of, he secretly harbors a ambition to overthrow the Britannian Empire. He never tries anything rebellious until destiny meets him on his track. That meeting sets off a series of marvelous and enthralling events that go on to change the history of world, and probably the perspective of the viewer about the true facet of truth. Lelouch though an ordinary Britannian, has an extraordinarily troubled past. The series is itself a revelation for him about his past; what he has believed and what actually has happened.  Often, a quiet and obnoxious boy, he has a brilliant strategic mind, owed to his exception chess playing quality, and a heart-rending love for his sister Nanally. He gets what he wants and doesn’t care who stands in his way.

Geass is a power of the kings. A mind power, which accustoms to whom it has been bestowed. This Geass is a binding contract between an immortal and a human that implies the fulfillment of a wish of the immortal by the human. It is an unparalleled power beyond the science humans have achieved. In an interesting meeting, a witch called C.C, gave this power to Lelouch. This C.C. then becomes an integral part of the rebellion that Lelouch leads and in knowing his past and the answers he is finding. Lelouch has an ability to turn the will of the people he sees, and make them do things he wants them to. As there is limitation to every power, he can cast his Geass only once on a given person. Though the Geass has an everlasting effect, the tests that he carries out for testing his only weapon are also amusing enough.

The first war that Lelouch fights with this Geass against the Empire is almost with no resources and a handful of rebels. However, it was enough to strike fear in enemy’s heart or that of Prince Clovis, the King of Area 11. Then he adorns the mask of Zero, a rebel with a cause, a dangerous enemy, a powerful leader and a fighter for the injustice against the unarmed. What Zero embarks on is a dangerous path of treachery against a powerfully armed and scientifically dangerous Empire. But the rebellion he leads is not for Japan but to create a world wherein Nanaly could live in peace and with love. His ambitions take him to form a group of rebels known as The Order of Black Knights. Leading this group he gets recruitment in many forms even from Britannians who are fed up of the regime. One such man is Diethard, a byte-hungry media-man. His involvement in the rebellion shows the power of media the way it can transform a terrorist into a hero. Diethard states an astonishing fact that ‘Journalism is not information but Human Creation’. What is stated about the power of media in here is also a present-day situation in our country.

Suzaku Kururugi, best friend of Lelouch and his worst enemy, is a flaw in all of Zero’s plans. Always in Zero’s path Suzaku wants to change the system of Britannia from within. Lelouch and Suzaku are on the opposite sides of justice each going for the same heading. Suzaku, also like his friend has a troubled past, which is slowly revealed throughout the story. CC, the witch is depicted as a heartless immortal but still very endearing in the end. Charles VI Britannia the Emperor is bestowed his power of Geass by C.C. and another V.V his brother. The short forms do sound odd but their names are not known even after the series ends. Another mystery. One of the more characters that strike the viewers is Euphemia, a really lovable and kind girl just like Nanally.

Having a varied cast as such it gets into action with the murder of Prince Clovis wherein the viewers get another hint as to who Lelouch is. Introduced as the successor of the Throne of Britannia the shroud of mystery begins to grow around Zero. Even the Black Knights do not know of his identity. For them, he is a man alone who will lead them to victory, who will liberate Japan an idol to follow. For him they are chess-pawns to checkmate the king. Based on such startling human nature it slowly enters the supernatural world of Geass.

What becomes of Zero and his rebellion the Black Knights and his passion to murder the Emperor Charles is too thrilling to watch. What Zero is, is a mixture of coldness, strategy, winning and an unmatched oratory, ironically all for the sake of his love for Nanally. The story has a serious tone; however, some of the most comical characters like Count Lloyd, nonetheless a genius, even it out.

The end is so superbly done that none could ever have predicted it. The simple end shown and the way Zero builds his Empire of Black Knights for the downtrodden just destroy the very basis of our foundation that ‘the good can never be bad’.  What are the reactions of every character in the series, their motives for the actions they take, the nature of the actions they take justify themselves slowly and gradually. There comes a point wherein you have no idea which side is good and which is bad. They are both the same. In the end even the truth can’t be justified without a lie. The whole point of the series being epic lies in the fact that it’s still a good versus evil battle but here the good takes a turn for the worse.

'Behind every Great man there is a Crime’ this is what the series tells in the end. That there cannot be only good and only bad, both coexist. There is no definition of good and evil it’s only a perspective. But in the end it’s still a human world where everything just cannot be perfect and it shouldn’t be.

- Aniket Sawant