KAHIHI

I decided never to get into a relationship. I have devoutly consorted to this resolution for over a decade now. Every year I just renew this resolution. And with every passing year my confidence in my New Year resolution has deepened. Till date I don’t have a concrete rationale why I should fall in love or have a companion or get into a relationship.

For me getting into a relationship is farce where nothing is true. Even the words “I love you” or “tum mujhe acche lagte ho” are perfunctory. Those words look and sound beautiful only in the start, only to fade away eventually. The words are good to strike off the chord, begin the communication, however, later the communication lines get jammed up, and later things are directly taken for granted without a thought to other person’s intentions. Where does the essence of getting into relationship ooze off?

Most often, relationships make one sacrifice on self respect and dignity. I know many people who had literally begged to a girl to get her nod to accept their proposal. I am still confused about what is there so much to die for. Girls brutally exploited those boys to get free bike rides, watch movies, and eat at the Taj, Marriott. The megalomaniac boys showered their hard money on their stupid girlfriends. Not that I don’t have that kind of money but I find it foolish to spend it in return for holding a hand along the sea shore or getting a kiss in return.

I ask many what makes them so desperate to get into a relationship. Answers range from Mercury to Pluto, with our without logic, sensual to emotional but none to convince me.

I have been observing an imprudent friend of mine lately. He has been smitten by the “I-need-you : you-are-my-life : you-make-me-smile : you-are-the-one” bug. This insanely-in-love friend of mine just doesn’t understand the logic of ‘shut it-fuck it-forget it’. The girl smartly plays “ringa-ringa-roses” of words with him and he stays amused by all that. I wonder what makes him stay so optimistic about the entire episode. He falls to the every excuse she gives him – ‘what’s the hurry’, ‘time will tell’, ‘we still don’t know each other well’, and so on. My silly friend takes all that and sleeps off with sweet dreams in his head and smile on his lips. Idiot!

I don’t understand how time will tell anything. Aren’t we supposed to plan our time, schedule things, and make our plans work in accordance? I understand there is no hurry unless you don’t mind holding shivering hands or kisses with hollow toothless mouth or don’t expect children at the age when only function the reproductive organ can do is micturate. And when does one plan to know each other well enough? Most of the time my friend doesn’t even get to talk to the one whom he admires so much. All calls go unattended, SMS unreplied, there are only specific time windows when calls can be made. It is all so conditional and unrealistic. Well such a case, most certainly the time when you would have actually got to know each other is during the old age. And I thought true relationships are unconditional and beyond any time factor.

I see break offs, divorces, on-time-weddings all around me. There is zero patience in relationships today. There was a time when I read about foreign celebrity divorces in newspapers, see divorces in movies, then saw my own parents going through it, and then seeing it among my friends. My belief in relationships has shattered with each passing day and my belief in not getting into one has strengthened exponentially in the rising ratio. I hate it when relationships are sought desperately turning a blind eye to the fact that you lay at the mercy of other person’s wish and will.

There are people who pity me, laugh at my misanthropic (which I am not, people have assumed it to be so) life. I just smile back with a thought, ‘let’s see whose smile lasts longer’.